MOVIE REVIEW: "Tropic Thunder"

I've been excited about seeing Ben Stiller's latest directorial attempt, Tropic Thunder, for months. With a cast that includes himself, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr, Tom Cruise and Matthew McConaughey... why wouldn't this movie be freaking epic? And guess what. It was. I pretty much died during the fake movie trailers at the beginning of the movie, featuring each actor in a project they did before the war film based on the novel of the same name, Tropic Thunder. Although Ben Stiller was apparently a little preoccupied with directing the film to make his character as hilarious as the others, he did a pretty good job on the film. (Plus... would someone tell me where the hell those muscles came from?) I did enjoy the trailer for Scorcher VI: Global Meltdown and the snippet from Simple Jack. Holy crap. That is all I can say. Anyone who has seen the movie will tell you that Robert Downey Jr kicked some serious comedy ass. For one, he plays a pretty impressive black man. Seriously, if you didn't know it was him, you'd think he was actually African-American. Kudos to the makeup department for that as well. Plus, the five lines in the film where he's got an Aussie accent- rawr, mate. Also, I laughed really hard during the trailer for Satan's Alley. Man. They really pulled out all the possibly-offensive-to-one-group-or-another stops for this movie. Well done Ben Stiller. Well done. I've never been a huge Tom Cruise fan. His movies just don't do anything for me. Sure, he's got a killer smile... but the guy is a bit looped. His insanity likely came in handy for the role of billionaire Les Grossman. And his performance, in a word, was B-rilliant. He was a bald, spectacled, pudgey, angry, foul-mouthed man with lots and lots of money and authority. I giggled uncontrollably whenever he used "the F word". (I would gladly throw out some of my favorite Les Grossman quotes right here, but I wouldn't want to offend anyone.) And his awkward gangsta dance moves at the end of the film? Classic. Jack Black has played the same character in a lot of his movies and I'm afraid his role as drug-addicted comedian Jeff "Fats" Portnoy is no exception. Still, his on-screen antics added to the film, so no worried. Also, I wanted to add that Bill Hader is adorable and thank you very much for putting him in this film. Ditto for Jay Baruchel. Good move. My official rating: 8 cans of Booty Sweat out of 10.

MOVIE REVIEW: "Wall-E"

Well, Pixar has done it again: they've once more managed to compile so many human elements into a film both enjoyable for adults as well as children- and all with great color and impressive effects. Usually, I bust a gut while watching Pixar movies. They're always well-written with a kiddish-yet-mature charm that makes their films unique. However, Wall-E wasn't exactly meant to make the viewer laugh out loud- but think. This makes me wonder if this movie made sense to young children. Sure, they could enjoy the many different kinds of robots in the film but I'm not sure if the young children would understand the moral of the story. I'm thinking that Al Gore would have enjoyed this film. There is nothing scarier than a future that is sadly realistic and altogether possible; a future where everyone rides around on their hover crafts and everyone is far... really fat. This movie was terrifying to me, in a Day After Tomorrow sort of way. I realize that this won't become a reality in my lifetime or even for the next generation- but someday? Anything is possible. The storyline is pretty basic: "male" robot meets high-tech "female" robot (that could destroy pretty much anything- awesome!) and falls in love... OK, so it's a basic love story with a few robotic twists. I loved the look of low-tech Wall-E and his collection of interesting junk. I loved that the "female" robot, EVE, was super high-tech and looked like an iPod in robot form. Very cool. This movie is definitely worth the rent, I promise you. Just be prepared to 1) explain the storyline to the young ones and 2) think about the future of our planet and what we're doing to it. My official rating: 7.5 junk blocks out of 10.

MOVIE REVIEW: "Kung Fu Panda"

I'm a sucker for digitally-animated movies so when I heard kung fu, a panda and the voice talents of Jack Black would be combined into one film, I was like "CH'YEAH! Right on!" Kung Fu Panda is an adorable story of Po (voiced by Jack Black), a noodle-making panda who is chosen by a kung fu master to be a great warrior and defeat Tai Lung, a villainous snow leopard who turned evil as his skills grew. He is trained by Master Shifu, a tiny but mighty red panda (voiced by Dustin Hoffman), in part with The Furious Five: Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Monkey (Jackie Chan), Mantis (Seth Rogen), Viper (Lucy Liu) and Crane (David Cross). Although the story has been done about a thousand times before (what story hasn't?), it's still one worth telling in a film generally aimed at children: You can do anything you put your mind to, no matter how unlikely it seems. Also, the colors in this film are stunning. The bright details of the Chinese country are gorgeous. The setting of this movie might even rival that of Finding Nemo, actually. But I digress. This film is adorable, but I thought there were some areas where it could have been improved. I loved the Shifu character. Hoffman has a really great voice for the character. Plus, I have a soft spot for tiny characters who kick some serious ass. Jack Black, not surprisingly, is a natural when it comes to voicing a chubby, lovable panda. In fact, I'm pretty sure Black was a panda in a past life... Maybe not a kung fu master, by any means- but a panda just the same. This movie involves so much action but when it comes to the end battle between Po and Tai Lung- SPOILER ALERT!- it seems like the battle is too easy for Po. Tai Lung should have at least given Po a challenge. Also, they should have given The Furious Five more lines. There was a lot of star power in those five characters and yet they wasted a lot of screen time with the noodle shop story line that wasn't that interesting... Of course, maybe I'm just feeling that way because I'm a David Cross fan... Yeah, that's almost definitely it. My official rating: 6.5 noodles out of 10.

MOVIE REVIEW: "Get Smart"

Get Smart (starring Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Alan Arkin) was released on DVD today. I've been waiting to see this movie for a long time, having been a Steve fan for a couple years. The man can do no wrong. OK. So, this movie wasn't fantastic. No, the humor doesn't compare with 40-Year-Old Virgin and the acting doesn't compare to the charm of Little Miss Sunshine. Still, Get Smart was still a generally good action film and it had some clever lines- many of which are very quotable. Max: "Give up, this building has been surrounded by 150 trained Black Ops snipers." Siegfreid: "I don't believe you." Max: "Would you believe two dozen DELTA Force commandoes?" Siegfreid: "No." Max: "How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun?" (Much like Chuck Norris himself, Chuck Norris jokes will never get old.) Yes, I did laugh out loud a couple times during this movie, but not consistently. Also, it surprised me the number of times I found myself chuckling over something Johnson (yes, "The Rock") did. I dunno. It's just so unexpected, I guess. Anyway. This film is alright. It's worth renting. An action movie fan may or may not be impressed with this film- but I'm not a huge fan of action films, so take that with a grain of salt. My official rating: 6 shoe phones out of 10.

MOVIE REVIEW: "Zack & Miri Make a Porno"

There's a chance that I went into the theatre being a little bias. I'll tell you why: Ever since that little comedic gem called The 40-Year-Old Virgin came out in 2005, I've been a fan of Seth Rogen. What's not to like? He's hairy, funny, has a potty mouth and he's got that great Jew 'fro thing going on. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Plus, he didn't look half bad in uniform (despite the moustachio) in last year's Superbad. Anyway, enough about him. Elizabeth Banks. Oh, Elizabeth Banks. She's effing gorgeous and so funny- at the same time. Few actresses seem to pull that off. And I love that she's gorgeous, and yet she still manages to pull off the "one of the guys" thing for this film. I pretty much died with her at the beginning of this movie when she found out her high school crush was gay. Oh, man. Man oh man. (Poor little drunk girl. How I know your pain.) I'm ashamed to say this... but this is my first Kevin Smith film. *hides from the rotten vegetables being pelted by villagers* That's right- I haven't seen Clerks, Clerks II, Dogma, Chasing Amy, Mallrats or Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back... Heck, I didn't even see Jersey Girl (although, I heard I didn't miss much with that one). Anyhoo. I went in without a "OMG! Kevin Smith is awesome!!"-type bias. Just a "OMG! I love Seth Rogen!!"-type bias. Oh well. I emailed my brother about the movie last night. We live in separate provinces but just happened to go see the movie on the same night in our separate towns. My brother called it "the most non-conservative movie he's ever seen". That about sums it up. Justin Long has one bad-ass cameo in this film. Jaclyn and I pretty much pissed ourselves. I won't spoil it. Just go see the fricking movie and you'll understand how amazing his cameo really is. It's so damn beautiful. Despite the vivid sex scenes, the potty-mouth-ness and an uncomfortable scene that may or may not include human fecal matter (ew), this movie was all-together hilarious. Honestly, it's the most disgusting romantic comedy I've ever seen. At it's core, that's what it is: a romantic comedy. I never thought Seth Rogen (a big hairy dude that looks something like a monster from Where The Wild Things Are) would ever have any on-screen chemistry with Elizabeth Banks (goddess!)... but it happens. At first, there is absolutely nothing. But then... BLAMO! Chemistry. And it's so sweet and innocent and beautiful... even with the cameras rolling in the background. Kudos to Kevin Smith for a particular sex scene. I won't go into details but I will say this: it's possibly the sweetest sex scene I've ever seen in a movie. And it seems even sweeter despite the circumstances. Great choice in music too- I can't stop listening to "Lift Me Up" by Live now. Speaking of which, I can't wait for the soundtrack to come out next week. It looks like it's going to be a wickedly awesome album. Great stuff. My official rating: 8 "Fleshlights" out of 10.